User blog:Sceptileisgreat14/Let's Play a Game
This is for SM's competition I had to write a spoof story, so I decided to parody SAW. Hope you enjoy reading it :D Let's Play a Game: (The room is filled with darkness, and a slightly visible figure can be seen struggling their way off the floor, and upright.) ???: Where am I? (Suddenly the room lights up, revealing itself. The room is filthy, with what is hopefully mud and dirt, and the walls are lined with toilets and pipes. The floor is characterised by a dead body on the floor, spewing with blood. Walter finds himself chained to a pipe in the corner of the room) Walter: What the hell- (Walter sees a still but breathing body, chained to a pipe on the other side of the room) Walter: Hey! (The man wakes up, and gets to his feet, almost falling as he in-advertably yanks the chain. He trembles, as he speaks) ???: What the fuck is this? Where am I? Who are you?! Walter: I...I...I'm (Walter hesitates, as he ponders on the simple question) Walter: Walter White, I'm a...Retired Chemistry Teacher, and you? ???: I'm Norman Bates, I run a motel with my mother (The two exchange glares, and carry on with the conversation.) Walter: Okay... Norman, tell me; how'd you get here? Norman: I don't know I...I fell asleep, and now I'm here chained to a pipe. This certainly isn't my motel's bathroom either (Walter pretends to care about the second half of Norman's sentence, but drifts his attention, to a tape and a recorder on the floor next to his feet. He picks it up.) Walter: The fuck is this? Some kind of tape recorder? And why does it say 'play me?' Norman: Well, I think it means that whoever put us in here, wants us to play this tape. Walter: (Sighs) Wow, it's so obvious now, thanks Norman. (Walter plays the tape, and static comes out of the recorder. After several seconds of this static, a distorted voice starts to make its presence from the recording) ???: Hello, Mr.Bates, and Mr.White, I want to play a game. In this room, you find yourselves chained to these pipes besides you. The task is simple, get out of the room, however, how you will do this is what you should concern yourselves with. Norman: Hey, this is easy, just break the chains off! ???: You see, these chains are indestructable Norman: Oh ???: To break the chains that hold you prisonor, you must...Let It Go. Live or die, it's your choice) (The tape seemingly ends, but then starts again) ???: And yes, I did just make a Frozen reference. Yes laugh it up but remember, you're the guys that are trapped in a fucking bathroom (The tape repeats the process of going on, then off again) ???: Dicks Walter: Well then...Looks like we're in trouble Norman: Indeed... If only my mother was here, she would know what to do... (Walter manages a slight chuckle) Walter: You're mother sounds like quite the woman Norman: I am Walter: Wait wha- Norman: We need to find something to break these chains, there's got to be something... Walter: What if... It's not the chains we have to break? Norman: What do you mean by that, I mean, I don't see breaking this part of the wall off as a possibility. Walter: No, no, no, think about something else...Something more... Personal (Norman hesitates) Norman: M...m..my leg? Walter: Indeed, but the question is... How? There's no saws or anything. (Two saws are seen falling from the ceiling almost miraculously) Walter: Ah, I see how it is (Walter talks in a sarcastic manner) Walter: God I'm hungry; there's no pizza or anything (Walter and Norman, both wait in anticipation, but nothing happens) Walter: *sigh* goddammit (Suddenly, Norman wakes his excitement. He stands up and fumbles his pocket) Norman: I've got a phone! Walter: Holy shit really?! Norman: Just need to call this number... (Norman dials, then puts the phone to his ear. Walter freezes, as the call is answered) Norman: Hi, I'd like a large pepperoni pizza please. (Walter opens his mouth in astonishment) Norman: Yep, okay, Walter would you like Fries? No? Okay, just one portion of fries please. Thank you, bye. (Norman ends the call, and looks at Walter proudly) Walter: What... In god's name was that?! Norman: I ordered pizza...You wanted pizza Walter: No! I wanted to be rescued! Norman: Oh, right! In that case, I'll just call my mother Walter: (This is great... I'm stuck in a room,fighting for my life, stuck with this idiot. Well, at least he's not crazy) (Norman answers his phone, with another, found in his other pocket) Norman: Oh!, well if it isn't Norman! How's everything going? Norman: Mum, I'm stuck in this place, and I need your help, could you come pick me, and my buddy up please? Norman: Sure thing, where's this place you need picking up from, describe it to me (Norman looks around as he describes the room to himself. As he does this, Walter sits down and facepalms, realising that he's fucked.) *SIX HOURS LATER* (Norman is seeing, finishing his last slice of pizza, as Walter is sitting on the floor, contemplationg his sanity) Walter: Now that, we've eaten, we should probably start amputating are legs... Norman: Oh yeah, right... You go first. Walter:...What if I don't want to. Norman: Well one of us has to go first otherwise, we'll be here forever. Walter: Okay, okay, listen, why don't we both go at the same time? I'll count down from 3, and we'll both do it Norman: Okay... (Both of the men ready their saws, both wincing at the thought of chopping their own flesh) Walter: 3,2,1 G- Norman: Wait, wait, there's got to be a better way- (Norman's interruption, is interrupted by Walters screams of agony and pain) Norman: Walter stop! (By the time Norman, delivers this plea, Walter has successfully amputated his leg, and is laying in a pool of his own blood) Walter: It...It...It's done, I'm free...Norman we can- (Walter glares at Norman, only to realise he is painless, and not legless) Walter: Norman...This isn't the fucking time for plot-twists, I just cut off my own leg! Norman: I...I found a key, it was in the toilet beside me, there's probably one near you as well. (Walter, exhaustively tilts his head, so that he is looking at the toilet. He looks back at Norman, in a mix of frustration, and anger, as he sees him happily unlock the chains that had once held him. Both were free, but only one was free of pain.) Walter: Fine. Fucking fine, at least we're free, now we can get out of this place, at last. (Walter crawls towards the door, barely even acknowledging the well-healthed young-man following him) Norman: Walter! You forgot your leg! Do you want it? (Walter looks at Norman, forgetting that he is talking to an adult) Walter: Yes, I'll take the leg that I just chopped off, to save my life. (Norman looks at Walter confused, struggling to understand the sarcasm) Norman: I don't think we've got anything to carry it with... (Yet again, Walter facepalms) Walter: Nevermind the leg, let's just go! (The two leave the room, and shut the door behind them, allowing for darkness to take over, suddenly a voice can be heard, coming from this darkness) ???: Guys, aren't you forgetting something? Guuuyyyyyyssssssss (There's a silence, then gas can be heard filling the room) ???: Well shit. (After leaving the room Walter and Norman are seen going down a corridor, when they are suddenly come across a suspicious looking door.) Norman: What should we do? Walter: We knock (Norman goes to knock, but is stopped by Walter, with a tap on the leg) Walter: I am the one who knocks, you know what that means? (Norman looks around the room, as if it holds the answer to Walter's question) Norman: No... what? Walter: It means that I knock on the fucking door! (Stunned that Walter was so determined to knock on the door, Norman, takes his leave, and falls behind Walter, as he delivers, the seemingly fatal knocks, that were sure to seal there fates. As he finishes his third knock, the door opens, and leads the two men into a new room, a room where they were sure to find the answers to their many questions.) Walter: It's a surveilance room... Look, there's that room we were just in (As Walter looks around the room in astonishment, Norman notices something un-settling) Norman: Look, there's another tape Walter: Let's play it (Walter puts the tape in to the recorder) ???: If you are listening to this tape, that means that you made it out alive, congratulations. However, if you want to get out of this house, you will need a key; a key that... Is in this room- Norman: Let's loo- ???: However, it's not something you can simply look for... Norman: Oh for fucks sake not this shit again ???: Need a hint? Here you go. It's inside you. Walter: That's not really a hint, that's telling us where it is... ???: Yeah well I don't give a fuck, I know, that I'm not talking to you live, but I knew one of you assholes would say that. It's difficult to make these things you know (The two men, look at each other, in agreement of the stupidity of their host) ???: Anyway, One of you has the key, in their stomach, have fun with that (The tape ends) Walter: Okay, whoever has the key will have a scar on their body. Let's look. (The two men lift their shirts, to reveal their stomachs. Walter's is normal, however, Norman's has a giant scar going down it) Norman: Huh, I was wondering what that was for (Walter, now using two sticks he found as crutches advances at Norman with a knife in his hand) Norman: No Walter, you don't want to do this Walter: Yes, I do. (Walter swipes at Normans torso, and tears it revealing a little box, hiding in Norman's guts) Norman: Walter please I- (Walter forces his fist into Norman's torso, bringing back with it, the box, and perhaps all of Norman's intestines) Walter: Yes! Finally, I can leave this horrible place! (Walter opens the bloodied box, to find a note, Walter reads the note out loud) Walter: "Hahahaha noob, I can't believe you did it, the key is in the first drawer of my desk. Oh my god, this is amazing" (Walter looks around the room, and to the floor, seeing the body of Norman helpless and still. As if, he wanted it top happen, Walter smiled and adventured to the desk) Walter: Now I just have to make it to the door, and I will be free; I just need to forget about all of this (Jumping over the body of his aquaintence, Walter makes his way to the door, only to be stopped by a man, masked in a Pikachu mask, coming out of a door, by the exit. As Walter cowars back, finding his make-shift crutches, the masked figure, reveals itself) Walter: No it can't be.... (The unvailing of the mask reveals a man, of unknown fame, he pulls out a pistol, and shoots Walter, leaving him dead on the floor, his blood camoflaguing in the red carpet. Suddenly one of the mastermind's servants approaches) Servant: Sir, may I ask a question ???: Go ahead: Servant: Why did you drag these guys here in the first place? I get that you wanted to torture them until their inevitable death, but why them. ???: It's simple Steve, they're assholes, killing others for their own personal gain. I'm ending their lives, so that the world has two less douchebags to handle Servant: But then, doesn't that make you a hypocrite? You want to punish criminals severely however, you by doing this, are commiting crimes yourself, which also makes you a criminal. (There is a long pause, before the mastermind, delivers his answer.) ???: Yes Steve, and that is why this plot makes no fucking sense THE END Category:Blog posts